Getting Antsy

It’s been 8 months since I left my job, and well, as the title of this post suggests — I’m getting a little antsy.

I don’t think I know how to be idle. Now more than ever, I find myself desperately trying to fill my day with tasks and projects. I’m sure some of it is pregnancy (is it too early to be in nesting mode?). Some of it is probably due to anxiety over money and feeling like I need to overcompensate for not contributing financially. And, of course, there’s that part of it that is just my personality and always needing to be working on something.

When I was working full time, I think it was easier for me to come home and just chill out (though, with theater, that didn’t exactly happen all that much). It felt like I had earned that time to relax. I guess right now, it’s hard for me to have that same feeling. Even when I spend all day at class or my internship or cleaning the house, I still find myself just needing to be busy, even in the evening.

What’s really difficult is knowing that, due to the baby, my return to work will actually be a lot later than I anticipated. But because of the baby, my urge to go back to work and start providing again is stronger than ever — despite the fact that I’m still uncertain about my next career path!

It’s been a strange feeling to deal with. And I guess my coping mechanism is writing endless to-do lists that keep me busy all day.

But I worry about burning out.

I’m not sure what the solution is. I may look into working part time, to at least have the satisfaction of contributing financially, even if it’s just a little. I may actually need pencil in relaxation activities on my to-do list. And yes, I probably need to seek out some professional help.

But I’m determined to not let this urge to go back to work and provide financially deter me from the whole point of this sabbatical — to find a career path that’s creatively fulfilling, speaks to my passions and energizes me.

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