Reflections

Waiting

A couple of months ago, I wrote about impatience. Specially, I discussed my natural habit of getting impatient when activities take longer than I think; when things don’t go to plan so I have to shift gears, delaying my end goal; when my energy or motivation don’t match the rigorous pace I’ve set for myself, making me quickly fall behind on my original schedule.

It all centered around action and activity. But recently, I’ve experienced a type of impatience that has stemmed from something 1000x more frustrating: knowing an end result is on its way (eventually) but that its arrival is out of my control. In short, knowing that I can’t do anything but wait.

Today is my due date. And our little guy has shown no signs of exiting.

For the last week and a half, I’ve tried almost every trick in the book to try to induce labor. I’ve bounced on the yoga ball. I’ve done squats. I’ve taken evening primrose oil. I’ve gone on long walks. I’ve gotten foot reflexology. I’ve listened to hypnosis videos. And on the TMI end of the spectrum (sorry, mom and dad), I’ve tried nipple stimulation, sex and orgasms.

But none of these actions have contributed. He doesn’t seem to have moved any lower. I haven’t had any contractions. And other signs that labor is nigh are nowhere to be seen. 

It appears my son has inherited my stubbornness and is staying snuggly in the comforts of my uterus.

For someone like me, it’s difficult to resign myself to the fact that some things are simply out of my control … that there is really nothing I can do to influence the outcome. No pivoting. No adjusting the plan. Just … waiting.

This has been and will be a new test for me — what to do when there is nothing to do. How to cope with having no control over anything but my own mindset. Learning how to just wait.

And it will be interesting to see how I can use this experience — and the skills that I (hopefully) gain from it — in my career exploration and sabbatical.

We’ll all just have to WAIT and see.  

…..No. Oh no. I can’t end with a cheesy line like that. Let me instead end with a comment I recently made to a friend:

“It’s definitely humbling realizing that there is so much about this that I don’t have control over.”

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